Baka Shrink!
by Lady Priscilla Violet Regina
Summary: On request of a review for my other Fei-kun fic, I wrote this...I got the inspiration after reading a fic about Heero writing a suicide letter...but this is much different! Wufei expresses his feelings for the other pilots...not like that! No Shonen-ai/Ya
1. Baka Shrink! Part I The Writing of the n...

Baka Shrink!

By: Priscilla Violet Regina

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Really! The only thing you'd got if you sued is a multi-colored toe-sock (no matching partner) and a pen with no ink. Really want to sue? Hell you don't have to sue to have those, I'll give 'em to you now if you want! ~.ó

Warning: Extremely funny. I'm not kidding, you've been warned! *at least I hope it is!*

Wufei walks into the study and seats himself at the large mahogany desk in the middle of the room. Reaching into the front drawer, he pulls out his small glasses and dons them, frowning.

"Baka Duo! I swear sometimes he must be an onna with the stupid things he does!" Pulling a tissue from his pocket, the Chinese boys proceeds then to wipe the hot pink lipstick kisses off the lenses of his spectacles, scowling the whole time. Finally finished, he once again places them on the end of his nose, smiling at the 'superb' job he did of cleaning them.

Yawning, he lifts the screen of the laptop in front of him while tugging at the rubber band constricting his hair, until the silky black locks are freed, falling in front of his face. 

Popping his knuckles, Wufei places his fingers on the keys.

Feel lucky. It wasn't y idea to do this, it would never be my idea.

My shrink said if I didn't do it he was going to dye my hair pink .

Baka shrink...

Anyway.

This is to all of you. Even you, Duo.

Yes, you too.

Stop it. Don't ever do that dance again. At least not in the my presence.

Anyway, once again. 

You guys really mean a lot to me. Really you do.

Heero if you 'Hn.' one more time I'll shoot you. 

Thank you.

I'll start with each individual pilot, the most efficient way to do this.

Quatre-sama: You are so sweet it sickens me. You are a honey-covered, chocolate-coated, caramel gum drop extraordinaire. But who else can comfort anyone's sorrows and fears with a hug and few kind words? Thank you for being there for me, and the other pilots. You were and are always there for us in our time of need. Some more than others, but we won't go there.

Trowa-kun: The only other person who enjoys and emanates...

SILENCE.

Thanks for...being quiet when I needed to get away from the baka Duo's mouth. I really appreciate it. Keep up the good work.

Duo...ah yes, Du-chan. I know you hate being called that, why else would I have used that name? Oh, stop whining, Heero's about to pull out his...

Oh-too late.

Shut-up Duo and listen to me. I know you can't hear me! Just...keep reading, even with that gun at your temple.

You bring joy and happiness when it is least expected and/or wanted. How, I'll never know. yeah, okay, so you're a good person to be stuck with in a fight, but not in a locked room. Remind me never to let Sally do that again.

Not now, later, you moron!

Anyway (for the third time now, thanks to our beloved Du-chan)...

You are the only person who can bring a smile, to my face. Now, whether that's from your continuous bad jokes or when I pound you into the ground, I'll leave that for you to decide.

You know I'm just messing with you.

Okay, so you're loud, obnoxious, clumsy, and stupid sometimes, but, despite all that, you're still a great friend.

Heero, you may remove the barrel of your gun from his forehead now.

Arigato.

And last, but certainly not least...Hee-chan: Alright, I promise never to call you that again, really! Put the gun away, please.

Please?

Okay, fine, but I'm warning you Hee-chan...this is _your _laptop!

That's what I thought.

Anyway...(fourth time, not Duo's fault...Amazing!)

I can see why you are called the Perfect Soldier, but you gotta fix one thing about yourself.

Telling your girlfriend "Omae o korosu" on Valentine's Day over a romantic candle light dinner is really not a good idea.

But don't feel bad about it, you always have next year to make it up!

Now, on to the serious stuff.

You are the one pilot I felt I really got close to, even though I think saying 20 words passed between us is an exaggeration. But you don't need words spoken to know someone...you just do. You understand me better than I do myself, I think sometimes.

Thank you, or, in your native tongue: Domou arigato gozaimasu. For everything Heero.

I have one question for you though...

That kiss last night meant nothing, right?

Haha, just kidding guys.

Yes, Duo, I just made a "funny" as you prefer to call them.

And, yes, it was actually funny.

Moving on...

I guess that's it. Wait, one more thing:

****

INJUSTICE!!!

Gomen, had to get it out.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Baka shrink.

-Owari


	2. Baka Shrink! Part II The Reading of the ...

Baka Shrink! *-Part 2-*

By: Pris (you all know who I am)

Disclaimer: *adopts bad British accent* They're not mine, honestly! That's not my bag, baby!

Okay, to the person who reviewed and said I should write the character's reactions...I wrote this the day before I read that review! I wasn't going to post it because I didn't think there was a lot of people who would want to read it, but oh well. Here it is. 

Heero walked into his study and noticed his laptop on. Frowning, he pulled out his well-concealed gun and scanned the room quickly with his eyes, taking a 'ready stance.' Finally deciding that no one was in there, he strode forward and around the desk the computer was on, and moved the mouse to cut off the screen saver. Almost not noticing the Word document open, he prepared to shut it down, until the program asked ever so politely, "Would you like to save?"

Eyebrow rose, he pushed the cancel button and started to read the typed words, until he got to the part that said 'This is for all of you.'

Smirking, he left the computer on and went to search for the other pilots, knowing they'd want to read as well. Finally rounding up his comrades, minus one, he brought them to his office, showing them the document. The four boys stood looking at the laptop, confused, until Quatre asked, "Who's gonna read it?"

Duo waved his arms wildly in the air, as if either trying to catch a butterfly, or trying to fly himself. Quatre sighed. "Duo, would you like to read it?" Duo nodded, huge grin plastered on his face. "Okay, sit down.

Popping his knuckles, Duo began.

//Feel lucky. It wasn't my idea to do this, it would never be my idea. My shrink said if I didn't do this, he was going to dye my hair pink.//

Duo's eyes grew the size of saucers as he stuttered out, "Wufei...with...PINK HAIR?" while laughing uncontrollably.

Heero looked to Quatre. "Maybe you should read this instead."

The blonde nodded, smiling. He turned the computer to face him as Duo yelled, "No fair!" and continued.

//Baka shrink. Anyway. This is to all of you. Even you, Duo.//

Duo's eyes lit up. "Me?"

//Yes, you too.//

Jumping up, Duo started doing a mix between the Happy Dance, a Scottish Jig, and Disco, while Quatre continued.

//Stop it. Don't ever do that dance again. At least not in my presence. Anyway, once again.//

Heero 'hn-d.'

//You guys mean a lot to me.//

"Hn."

//Really you do.//

"Hn."

//Heero, if you say 'Hn.' one more time I'll shoot you.//

Heero stopped his 'hn-ing.'

//Thank you. I'll start with each individual pilot, the most efficient way to do this.//

Quatre stopped reading. "I think each pilot should decide whether or not they want theirs read out loud. If you want it out loud, read out loud! If not, DUO, read silently, okay?"

The group nodded and Duo shouted, "OKAY!" while grinning blindingly once again. Trowa rolled his eyes and watched Quatre-sama read his, raising an eyebrow when the boy grew red in the cheekbones. 

Leaving the computer, the blonde stated, "Trowa, you're next." and took a seat in one of the many leather chairs adorning the room.

Not taking long, Trowa stepped away and motioned for Duo to go read.

They should have known his silence wouldn't last long.

"I hate being called that!

Don't call me that, okay? Please? Please please please please please please please....."

Trowa glanced at Heero, who was giving Duo his 'special look' while he started to pull out his gun. Placing the barrel none-to-gently against the braided wonder's forehead, he muttered, "Baka, be quiet!"

Finally, Shinigami continued reading, only to blurt out, "But I can't hear you, Wufei!" and start searching for the volume buttons so he could 'hear' him. Then, following the advice of the words, he started reading again, grinning like a five year old with candy. "Okay, never let Sally do that again!"

Quatre sighed.

Trowa smirked.

Heero cocked his gun.

Duo continued reading.

"Heero?"

"What, baka?"

"It says you can put your gun away now."

Heero complied, placing the firearm on the table and taking a seat to read his message. But, after the first sentence, his palm found the handle of his beloved once more, pointing the barrel at the screen. Then, to the surprise of everyone else, he lowered it with a "Hn." and kept on reading.

Duo couldn't stand it any longer. He had to see what Wufei wrote about Heero. Sneaking up behind Wing Zero's pilot, he grabbed the computer and started reading aloud.

//Anyway...(fourth time, not Duo's fault! Amazing!) I can see why you are called the Perfect Soldier, but...// "Yadda yadda yadda, where's the good stuff?" Hearing the click of a cocked gun by his ear, Duo lowered the computer and handed it to Heero.

"If you want to hear it that bad, DU-CHAN, I'll read it to you."

//You are the one person I felt I really got close to.//

At this, Duo nudged Quatre, who was trying not to fall asleep from Heero's monotonous voice. Heero continued reading, until one sentence caught Duo's attention.

//I have one question for you though...That kiss last night meant nothing, right?//

Heero's cheeks flushed deep red as the other pilots stared at him, eyes widening. To save himself, Heero read:

//Haha, just kidding guys.//

Wufei...made...a joke?

"Fei-kun made a funny?" Duo asked, eyebrows raised in shock.

//Yes, Duo, I just made a "funny" as you prefer to call them.//

"And it was...funny?"

//And, yes, it was actually funny. Moving on...//

Heero read the rest of the message, then looked around at the other pilots, who were as shocked as himself. Well, Duo and Quatre looked shocked. Trowa...has his eye open. That was pretty much it. "Hn."

"What an...interesting letter." Quatre noted, lips pursed.

Duo grinned. "I liked it!"

Heero nodded. "I agree with Wufei."

The others stared, eyebrows raised. "About what?"

"Baka shrink."


End file.
